wrong.

it seems i never get it right. always after the wrong thing. the wrong person. the wrong dream. these things don’t exist. right does not exist. there is no right thing, no right person. only how bad i want you right now. and how right that would feel.

that paragraph was kinda stupid. doesn’t make it less true.

i like the way you laugh. how you toss your hair. the way you move. i have a feeling that you are just like me. lost. maybe even more so than me. a nomad. looking for a place. for someone to grow roots with. i have given up here. i can’t tell you how long its been since someone held me. just hold me and don’t let go.

low. always low.

i don’t know what it is with me. why i get attached to people i don’t even know. all i know is your first name. i don’t really know what you look like or how you laugh or what makes you smile but some how i have created this idea of you. that you are some one who could save me. someone who could make this empty feeling disappear. i get obsessed with saying the right thing.. something you may find humorous or can relate to i forget to be myself.  i forget to say what is strictly true instead of “massaging” the truth into something that is more interesting. i just want to be liked. i want to be held. i want to be kissed. i want to be loved. by someone.

your kiss says you like me. i hope thats true.

it’s strange to see you today. i’d only known you for two hours. you didn’t’ make an impression on me or sweep me off my feet or anything. but for some reason you stuck with me. i remember how bad that date was. how tiny i felt after being with you. not because i thought you were better than me but because i felt like i wasn’t anything to you. i felt i tried so hard to get to know you but you just didn’t care. what was the point of saying yes to going out with me if you had nothing interesting to say to me? or to not be interested in what i have to say? did you just think we would magically form a bond? a relationship? its nice when that happens but there is always a common ground. you gave me nothing of yourself and i don’t know why i was so willing to give so much of myself to you. i wanted to say hello to you but you seemed as if you didn’t care. yea we went out once and it was weird now lets pretend we don’t know each other. lets pretend we never found one another attractive. like we never wanted to kiss or hold hands. i did. i hoped for it. but you just didn’t want to know me. and you still don’t.